Moments of Clarity

You know when you have that moment of clarity? How about that moment you know you need to set something down and walk away from it for a while? I hit that moment this weekend.

Plans didn't go as well as I had hoped they would this last week. I was dealing with a roach infestation so I had to basically leave my kitchen and bathroom bare for a few days. On top of that, just a few days before my “kick start” I discovered I was counting my macros wrong. Frustrated I said screw it, I’ll start next week, which will be this upcoming Saturday.

So what do I do when things don’t go right, the house is a mess, and I’m stressed? The answer, get my food elsewhere and eats everything and anything that will make me “happy”. Yet it’s funny because I am never actually happy afterwards. I think about what I just ate and the amount I consumed and I feel awful the next day. Upset stomach, headaches, etc.

That’s right.

I think for 4 straight days I didn't cook a thing. I had a viable reason for the first couple of day. Wednesday night the kitchen was now in my living room, up until Friday afternoon so I can’t really blame myself all that much. I had dinner at my parent’s house on Friday, and then made breakfast on Sunday. But all else in between I either skipped a meal or ate out. Out being somewhere where someone else makes my food.

I can’t help but want to dig deeper with myself. Ask questions like “Why are you doing what you’re doing?” or “What is it from fast food that is so unavoidable”? 

Sunday night after a helping of some Mexican food and a McFlurry run at night, I had that moment, that moment where all of my questions were answered. All I could think of was that it is an addiction. The sugar, the salt, the fat, all of it comes together and is so enticing. It snaps, it crackles, pops, crunches, melts, and dances on your taste buds. It’s comforting, filling, warm, fun, and a way to hang out with people.

A transformation has to take place. It’s time when your clothes all of a sudden don’t fit right, you feel constantly bloated, tired, and you get back aches all of the time.

A transformation HAS to take place.

I think 20 years down the road and it is not a pretty place. I do NOT want to be that person. I do not want to give in. I don’t want to give in to its looks, feel, taste, and aroma. I do not want to give in to the lifestyle that comes from eating you.

I will do and use what power I have in me to deter myself from this lifestyle. I may not work out right away, I may not make the healthiest of foods, but in my kitchen, in my home, I have the choice to grab the cookies and call it a night or put on my apron, open my cookbooks and learn a few things.

Who knows, maybe something great can come out of this. For now… Pinterest is looking like it will be my food savior.

Bring on the recipes!